DisPinterest: Things You Should Not Wear.

This installment of DisPinterest is brought to you by the tackiest, most absurd, and dumbest things people have been wearing that I've found on Pinterest.

Speaking of finding things on Pinterest, I've had a couple people ask me where I get all these awesomely horrible pins. If you're wondering if I specifically search for horrid things on Pinterest, the answer is no.  That kind of defeats the whole purpose for me.

We all know horrendous things are out there, and we can all agree on the ones that are in bad taste.  But the true gems are the ones that are pinned by seemingly normal people with an extraordinary bad taste in...well, everything.

I mean, that's the whole reason I started that Pinterest board, anyway--because I kept seeing things on Pinterest and thinking, "Seriously?? Do they really think that is a good idea?" Of course, now, I also follow like-minded people with awful Pinterest boards of their own, so that doesn't hurt either. And you can always email me if you have something to share (DisPinterest (at) me (dot) com).

So, that being said, let's celebrate others' incredibly poor taste today by taking a look at things that some people actually think are okay to wear.

1. You Should Not Let Make Your Infant Baby Wear a Wig.

I know, I know...I've already written an entire post about this.  So I won't say much, other than this:

If you feel like your baby needs a wig, you've probably got bigger problems.  Like, waaaaaay bigger problems.

Most babies are born naturally beautiful, and for the ones that aren't...well, let's just say we all know who they are and wigs won't help them. (But they're still special spirits!)

Now go read that post, if you haven't already.  And don't miss out on those videos at the end.  They are the best thing to happen to the internet.

2. Giant Flowers Masquerading as "Sandals."

I am just now realizing that most of these "Do Not Wear" pins I have selected are made for babies.

Correlation? Causation? Not sure. Probably both.  Why do humans looooove making their babies into dress-up dolls? At any rate, it's good entertainment for the rest of us.

Now, let's talk about these...um...foot decorations. Those baby's feet are NEWBORN feet. Like, "Hey, Mom, I won't be walking for about a YEAR" feet.

And there are giant flowers on them because.....?

Honestly, its probably because we got sick of and/or wanted to do something MORE unique than plopping HUGE flowers on their head.  Which body part is the next unfortunate recipient of these bulky blossoms?

My vote? Stomachs should be next.  Just imagine how cute it would be to have a flower the size of their ENTIRE BELLY!!!!!!!

3.  Bee-Sting-Pooper Butt Cover with Matching Hat.

"Crochet World, where we turn your crochet dreams into reality, this is Donna, how can I help you?"

"Oh, yes, hi Donna. I'm looking for a custom-crochet outfit for my infant's baby pictures."

"Okay, we'd certainly love to help you with that! What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I really want a bumblebee costume.  So, I'd like to try a hat..."

"Sounds simple enough."

"...with a coordinating butt cover."

"Oh, you mean like a diaper?"

"No, I'm thinking just something that will cover his little tushie."

"...like a diaper."

"Um....no. Just imagine if...like, you sat down in a pot big enough for your bum. It should be like that."

"Okaaaaaay....I'm having a little trouble picturing this, but I'm sure it will turn out fine. What other details would you like?"

"Can you also put a stinger coming out of the bottom of the butt cover? I want to make sure people know it's a bumble-bee."

"Um...sure. And what about the hat?"

"You know, just normal bumble-bee stuff.  Maybe put a flower on it, too?"

"You do know bees are bigger than flowers, right? Wouldn't that be a little...disproportionate?"

"No, no, I'm sure it will be fine.  Thank you so much for doing this! We really want her fifth photo shoot to go as well as the first few did. She's only 6 weeks old, but I can already tell she's such a photogenic diva! She loves working it for the camera!"

"Sure, okay, whatever. We should be finished with your...um...costume some time next week."

Whatever happened to normal, hey-this-is-what-my-baby-looks-like baby photos? You know, where you just...take a picture of your kid? Why do we have to dress them up like baby dolls?"

As with many of the excellent pins I find, there are so many questions, and no satisfactory answers.

4. This. 

Gah. This. There are no words.

Okay, fine, there are words.  What can I say, I'm an opinionated gal.  So let's start with this:

  • Whyyyyyyy do people think that their kids are some sort of elaborate dress-up doll? Yes, by all means, they should look cute and adorable.  I get it. It's fun to be able to put them in cute outfits.  But THIS? What do you have to prove? "My child can wear avant-garde fashion better than yours can."
  • Plus, she is wearing shoes with heels.  Let's just not.
  • Oh my gosh! I just realized something!! Do you think it's supposed to be some sort of urban camouflage? 
  • Also, do you think she goes to the playground like that? 

Original caption: "to much?" 

Yes, grammatically insufficient person, it is "to much."  Leopard skin shoulder pad leotards for your baby is too much.

Heck, it's even too much for grownups to wear.

The only person for which this might not be too much: meat-wearing, Muppet-killing Lady Gaga. NOT her fictional daughter, Baby GooGoo.

For heavens' sake, can we just let kids be kids? Put them in a pillowcase with arm holes and send them out to play in the dirt.  It will save you clothing costs (we all know kid's clothes prices are extortion, anyway) and laundry (just throw it away and cut arm holes into another pillowcase).  Genius.

5. Best Onesie for New Moms Who Would Like to Offend Everyone Around Them and Receive No Help From Anyone For Their Newborns.

Not gonna lie.  I think this has got to be one of the most ridiculous things I've seen on Pinterest.  

Really, New Mom? You want to go there?  At a time in your life when you might want to accept all the help you can get during one of the hardest periods of your life??  

On second thought, don't worry about it.  I'm sure your friends and family will think your sense of humor is "funny".  

But don't be surprised when you can't find a babysitter.

I think my friend Angela says it best: "I'm buying the companion piece.  It's a tank top that reads, 'I refuse to hold ugly children'."

Well said, Angela.  Well said.

6. This $80 (WHAT!!!!!!!) "Hat."

This is a "hat." It is listed as a bunny hat, but I'm not exactly sure what species of bunny comes with Shrek ears AND inflamed horns bunny ears. Two sets of ears, that's quite a bargain.

You know what's ALSO a bargain? Not buying this hat and using your $80 to buy, oh, anything else. I would even say that buying $80 worth of laundry detergent (maybe for your kids' clothes pillowcases?) would be far more useful (and not to mention, socially acceptable) than this hat.

If you don't like the Bunny "Hat", don't worry. She's got more.

Like this one that reminds me of that weird hat that Shannyn Sossamon wore in A Knight's Tale;

this one or this one, if you're feeling particularly Dr. Seuss-y;

or even this gem, if you'd like to look like you gutted and skinned a rainbow octopus and put it on your head. As a HAT.

Let's all just be normal, and not wear weird things.  Can we just agree to that? 

As always, if you have something you'd like to pass along, you can email it to DisPinterest (at) me (dot) com.

Also, if you enjoyed this, you would almost certainly enjoy my other DisPinterest posts, which you can find here.

Here is an image for all of your pinning needs: