DisPinterest: Post-Craft Apocalypse Edition

If you'd like to pin:

You guys.

The internet has, like, a BILLION crafts you can do.  And every single day, hundreds more are added. You can find a DIY project for anything you want to make.

That's the upside.

What's the downside, you ask?

We are surrounded by a tidal wave of Elmer's glue and toilet paper rolls, in a massive swell of crappy crafts and second-rate ideas.  All the good ones have been used and over-used ad nauseam until no one wants to do them anymore because it's not "cool." 

Cookie in a cup? DONE

Spoon/toothpick/sunburst mirror? DONE.

Anything involving a Mason jar? DONE.

Chevron stripes? DONE.

"Keep Calm And"? DOOOOOOOONE

(Also, side rant: Seriously, can Keep Calm be dead now? For reals? I was over it a week after it started popping up, and that was eons ago. Ugh.) 

The point is, we have all seen the same crafts circling the Giant Porcelain Bowl of the Internet for quite some time.  

We have now reached the end of the First Wave of DIY Crafts and have now moved on to Post-Craft Apocalypse Era, in which Pinners, desperate for something--ANYTHING--to make, will latch on to any project, no matter how heinous or poorly conceived.

The second unfortunate consequence of that is that crafters will do ANYTHING to make their project more "unique" than all of those other varieties.  Who can make normal things anymore? It must be fabulous.  It is not enough to merely use a mason jar, we must use a mason jar for something entirely different than the rest of the internet.

So, without further ado, I present to you a compilation of pins from people who have gone where no pinner was meant to go.

These pins in one giant word: RIDICULOUS.

Toilet Paper is most definitely one of those things.  

I'm not sure what the plan is for this--how do you "rip off" a square?  WHY would someone take the time to do this? And are you supposed to flush it? Or does it get--*shudder*--RECYCLED? Imagine, if you will, the following conversation:

"Honey! Hey! Honey! I'm on the pot and we're out of toilet paper!"

"Oh, okay! Sorry about that! Let me just toss it in with the whites and I'll have you a clean fresh roll in a couple hours.  Can you hand me the old one?"

"Sure! Here you go.  ......so....I'll just wait here, then?"

Speaking of things that should not be crocheted:

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think "sexy" and "crochet" should EVER be put in the same sentence.

For that matter, neither should "crochet" and "bathing suit."

And let's not talk about what's going to happen when the suit gets wet and the yarn starts sagging.

Have we run out of doily patterns or afghans or hats or something?? What's wrong with using crochet for what it was INVENTED for? Why, Pinterest, WHYYYYY???

This, right here, is when I knew for sure that I had reached the end of the crafting internet.  

You mean you ran out of pies you wanted to make, and so you decided to make a PIE...with COOKIES.  You couldn't just stick with fruit, pumpkin, pecan, or even lemon merengue, you just had to go out on a limb and stick cookies in a pie.

Oh, not JUST cookies? You mash them up and add eggs and MORE butter? Sounds like a winner to me.

What's next, candy pie??

(Oh wait--they've already done that too. *pokes eyes out*)

Yes, yes, yes...Washi tape is so cute...so much better than boring masking tape.  You can use it for anything: gift wrapping, jazzing up notes, etc. 

And in this case, ruining an expensive computer!! What could POSSIBLY go wrong??

Here's just a couple things:

  • You could spend hours cutting tape and getting it stuck everywhere it's not supposed to.
  • You could get tape residue ALL OVER your $1400+ computer.
  • When you're halfway through and realize what a NIGHTMARE you've put yourself through and your fingers are raw, the keys could pop off when you start peeling off the tape.
  • Oh--and did I mention you can't see the keys?
  • The tape will start to peel up in about 2.35 days. But it will still leave residue.

But hey, it's all worth it for the sake of having a cuter computer than your neighbors'.  Aaand bonus points, Ms. Pinner--you came up with something that no one else did! Congratulations! You are using Washi tape in a unique way! 

I'm starting to think that we need Darwin Awards-esque nominations for dumb things on Pinterest.  Then we can vote them off the internet.

Just...leave the Washi tape to something you can just THROW AWAY if it doesn't turn out. (a.k.a., not your computer.)

I know, I know.  Everyone and their dog is out there reupholstering that ugly chair they were "gifted" from their Aunt Jane.

But how can you make yours cuter than theirs? You need an original idea.  And all of a sudden, it hits  you! 

Why hasn't anyone thought of this before? 

(I'll just let that question unironically sink in for a second before moving on.)

Anyway, you decide you're NOT going to reupholster that chair, you rebel you. You're gong to write on it with a Sharpie.  Because that is original.

And what will you write? 

Things that make total sense on a beautiful chair in the living room...something worth destroying a perfectly gorgeous chair...


Maybe a poem? Favorite saying? Nice quote?

"No!" You say. "It must be original, never-before-thought-of. The first thing to write will be...


"My favorite recipe for something involving egg yolks and mustard! It's perfect! Then we'll add in a nice mustardy bit on the side, and plaster the rest of it on the back of the chair asymmetrically."  

I think you have a winner.

I'm going to go cry now about you writing with a permanent marker on that gorgeous leather and ruining that poor beautiful chair.

Do you have an awful pin to show me? Email me at DisPinterest at me.com.

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